The bluffer's guide to Irish customs

Ireland is one of the most stereotyped countries on the planet and the many myths and romantic notions that surround the Emerald Isle seem to multiply by the day. Some of these clichés are, admittedly, true - such as a fondness for the dark stuff (Guinness), a high regard for alcohol in general and an all-round willingness to talk about the weather for what seems like the entire night. There is, however, a delicate balance to be maintained and the cautious traveller would be well advised to separate the fact from the fiction. Here is a rough guide to making it through any social situation in Ireland.

Insider Tips for the Savvy Traveller:

First things first. If an Irish person gives you directions to the nearest leprechaun colony, they are unlikely to be serious. Leprechauns are not real and there are, consequently no colonies to be found. If this is a disappointing revelation, then you may take comfort in the leprechaun museum in Temple Bar, Dublin. The museum takes you on a journey through the eyes of the 'wee folk' with giant tables and chairs along with wacky psychedelic tunnels. The exhibition also takes you through the history behind the legends.

Blending in:

Tourists often tie themselves up in knots trying to look 'authentic', and much effort is often spent in wearing the right clothes for the right occasions. The most important thing to remember in this situation is to dress for the weather. Ireland has an interestingly changeable climate and there is often the possibility of having four seasons in the space of a couple of hours. Layers, layers, layers are the way to go. You must be prepared to be hot, cold, wet and windswept and should kit yourself out accordingly. Be warned, however, sporting fluorescent rain capes or Guinness logoed large hats and scarves will not aid you in not looking like a tourist. Wearing an enormous camera around your neck is not, incidentally a great idea for the same reasons and may result in your camera being stolen.

Alcohol:

This is one of those Irish stereotypes that is true and the cautious traveller would be well advised to forget all about their liver for the duration of their stay. Drinking is a national pastime and there is no quicker way to look out of place than to enter a pub and ask either for a cup of tea or coffee. Another tip to keep in mind when entering into a round is not to wait until everyone has finished their drink. The Irish are known for being generous and up for the craic and so someone will beat you to it. This may sound good in theory, but you will be remembered both for drinking slowly and being tight. Appearing tight-fisted in an Irish pub is a cardinal sin and should be avoided at all costs!

Banter:

Banter is a conversational medium used almost as much as normal social speech. Visitors who get offended by this will not last long and should be prepared for what the Irish call a 'slagging' which is a form of gentle teasing. Remember that it is generally meant with affection and is often used as a way of bringing you more fully into a conversation or group. Be warned though, it is important not to go too far with this kind of language and there are some 'gentle' insults which will not go down well with an Irish audience. Do not, for instance, refer to anyone as 'Paddy'or 'Mick' even in jest. The same obviously goes for national confusion. It may seem like an obvious one, but confusing an Irish person with an English person is not a good idea unless your comic delivery is particularly skillful. Even then it is best to stick to generic banter. It is also a good idea to keep in mind that the Irish are often self-effacing and slag themselves off, however, this does not mean that you as an outsider have the right to join in. This will not be well received.

Tipping:

Ireland is different to North America in particular when it comes to tipping. People do generally tip (with an average of 10-15%) unless the service is markedly bad but it is not as structured as elsewhere.

Common Expressions

The language spoken in Ireland is English, (Irish is spoken only in isolated pockets of the country), however, Irish-English or 'Hiberno-English', as it is known has many an idiomatic variation that can often bewilder the uninformed traveller. Here is a bluffers guide to some of the more commonly used expressions in Ireland:

How's it going? This is an easy enough one to remember and is used for a general, informal greeting.

What's the story? Another form of greeting, meaning 'what's happening?' or 'going on?'

What's the craic? Any craic?. Don't be alarmed by hearing this. Your are not being asked for any form of drugs. 'Craic' is the Irish word for fun and this phrase is simply asking whether or not there is anything interesting happening.

That's grand: The Irish have a particular affection for this phrase and use it almost every second, along with that's lovely! 'That's grand' simply means 'that's fine'.

Sure: You may become confused as to the way in which Irish people use this word as they seem to pepper sentences placing it in entirely random places, eg. 'Sure I can do that if you like' or 'Sure it will be great altogether'. Sure has no meaning other than a general emphasiser.

Who's yer man?: This is a very old phrase and is used to inquire about the identity of a male individual who has come into view. A close approximation in Standard English would be 'Who is that man over there? I don't know him.' The female equivalent of this phrase is 'Who's yer one?' 'Yer man' and 'yer one' refer to an unknown male or female and are not interchangeable.

A Pint of Plain is Yer Only Man: A 'pint of plain' refers to the 'dark stuff' or Guinness and 'yer only man' indicates that ordering a pint of Guinness is really the only sensible option.

It should also be kept in mind that the Irish speak the English language at a fairly rapid speed, however repetition is common. So if you didn't understand what has been said the first time, chances are that you might on the second go.