Bertie Ahern’s autograph is for sale on eBay, but may offer a damning indictment of the man’s lavish lifestyle:

The signature is clear and has been signed in GOLD ink

What a display of ostentatious wealth. Gold ink! Probably housed within a diamond encrusted pen.

By the way, I don’t buy autographs on eBay - it’s a world of fakes. Which is not at all to suggest that this is fake. It’s merely an observation about eBay. Anyway, should you wish to purchase this shocking insight into Ahern’s money-soaked ways, it’s still on offer at £4.99. No bids yet. But this is, it says, “the ultimate gift for any collector”. Some people might try and tell you that Shakespeare’s would top it, but they’d be lying fools.