What I learned from the government’s “Preparing for Major Emergencies” booklet
1) The information finally landed through my door this morning, six years after the iodine tablets didn’t. So that’s a good start.
2) It’s called Preparing for Major Emergencies: An Introduction. Is there a more in-depth course I should be taking? ‘Ebola 101′ or ‘Everything You Wanted To Know About Shoe Bombers But Are Afraid to Ask’.
3) If an emergency happens, and I pick it up upside down and get the Irish-language version, then I’m in big trouble.
4) If I study it in Irish, though, do I automatically get a 10 per cent bonus chance of survival?
5) In most emergencies, you are advised to stay in and listen and watch broadcasts. This is going to be bad for us, but great for RTÉ’s ratings.
6) Nobody should “attempt heroic rescues in hazardous circumstances”. This is code for: “it’s every man for himself!”.
7) There is no mention of zombies.
8 ) I’m taking the piss out of it now, but when my house is struck by a radioactive plane full of Spanish Flu victims, I’ll wish I’d taken it more seriously.
9) The gist of the booklet: in case of emergency, just seek out Willie O’Dea. He knows what to do.
A bizarre booklet indeed… Was starting to think that i must have missed some announcement on the news regarding a pending emergency.
Comment by MikeB | April 17, 2008 at 9:44 amThey don’t tell you what to do if you wake up and the streets are all empty outside…
2 questions…
Comment by Conor Byrne | April 17, 2008 at 11:07 am1. are the iodine tablets still good to use?
2. Where are you supposed to store the booklet, do you leave it on your bookshelf or in a press..I mean where is a good place to look for a booklet during an emergency…maybe that information will be in Book 2…Planning for a Major Emergency?
The information finally landed through my door this morning, six years after the iodine tablets didn’t.
I’m still waiting for my Millennium Candle…
Comment by Ivor | April 17, 2008 at 1:21 pmMust admit that the word introduction caused me some bemusement too. I understand chapter one is entitled “what to do when the vast majority of political parties are urging a Yes vote and you’ve still got questions about the Lisbon Treaty”….or other such snappy title.
Comment by 73man | April 17, 2008 at 1:33 pmThe booklet spent several days, Irish side up, on my kitchen table until curiosity finally got the better of me and I realised it wasn’t some sort of pro-Irish advertisement. Being a hoarder at heart, I decided to store it on the kitchen shelf with all other potentially ‘useful’ clutter…after all, maybe they do know something we don’t….wouldn’t want to be caught out not knowing what to do if somebody started throwing bombs in my window….
Comment by El | April 17, 2008 at 2:12 pmuntil curiosity finally got the better of me and I realised it wasn’t some sort of pro-Irish advertisement
what strange direct mail you must get…
Comment by Rosie | April 17, 2008 at 7:24 pmAbout the iodine tablets, i heard on the radio recently that the iodine tablets are now out of date and they will not be reissued. well that was a waste of time and resources then, wasn’t it? I see they learn from their mistakes…
Comment by Gwen | April 17, 2008 at 9:34 pmIs this going to be the start of series, like the Peter and Jane reading books to help us through all lives emergencies?
Preparing for Minor Emergencies: An Introduction
“The condom is broken, just accept there is no sex for you tonight.”
Preparing for Moderate Emergencies: An Introduction
“She’s late again, and you’re not sure if she’s just forgetful or trying to trap you in the relationship or if you should call a halt to it all and ask that cute accountant out or not.”
Preparing for Cataclysmic Emergencies: An Introduction
“You’ve forgotten the anniversary of when you first had dinner alone together, and she wore that dress especially.”
Comment by Dan Sullivan | April 18, 2008 at 11:01 amNo way, are they really out of date? How Irish is that…here’s the book to go with the tablets that don’t work anymore.
I often think that if you were to ask a class of 7 year olds to plan these things they would actually do a better job.
Comment by Conor Byrne | April 18, 2008 at 12:47 pmConor, there is a brand for a consultancy organisation in the making there, call it “8yearolds” and have the slogan let 8yearolds do it, they can’t do worse that the government/army/CIA
Comment by Dan Sullivan | April 21, 2008 at 10:27 am