Pregnant women on trains
A big shout out to the people on the packed Drogheda-Dublin train this morning, who kept their heads down when the obviously-pregnant woman stood in the aisle. Well done to the man who sacrificed his seat when I pointed out that she could do with one, even if he looked pretty unhappy as he did it.
By the way, I’ve noticed before that women are as bad, if not worse, than men for not handing up seats. Young men will often get up, but I’ve seen women - and some I know who have had children themselves - spot pregnant women and then look the other way.
“You there, give up your seat to the pregnant lady. I, however, shall stay seated.”
I like your style.
Comment by Twenty Major | January 7, 2008 at 11:44 amUnless, of course, you were standing already…
Comment by Twenty Major | January 7, 2008 at 11:45 amMy flat feet are testament to many hours standing on that train. As is my grumpiness.
Comment by Shane | January 7, 2008 at 11:55 amPatently you need to do an episode of The Restaurant or offer your expertise on a judging panel to increase your profile. I can’t imagine Kevin Myers or Brendan O’Connor have to stand for very long on public transport.
Comment by Brock Landers | January 7, 2008 at 12:09 pmBrock - Steady, now. I don’t want to get thrown off the train.
Comment by Shane | January 7, 2008 at 12:12 pmSir, -I am somewhat perplexed and perturbed at your attitude.
It raises certain questions - such as, did you inseminate this individual? If not, then where is this plainly defeatist seat-yielding attitude coming from? Did our forefathers die for this at the Somme and Ypres and Verdun?
Frankly, I blame these so-called “expectant mothers”. Their incessant urge to participate in the so-called “horizontal polka” lands them in a state of gestationality which radically alters their hormones and causes them to give so-called “death stares” to those who would cushion their bottoms as they endure the gruelling rigours of so-called “public transport”.
I, for one, shall not be browbeaten and have my hindquarters forcefully de-cushioned.
I shall fight this new wave of bulgy-bellied fascism where it stands!
Who’s with me lads! - Yours, etc
THIRD LIEUTENANT N K COLESLAW, Collins Barracks, Dublin
Comment by Nat King Coleslaw | January 7, 2008 at 1:04 pmI feel hopeful when I notice that it’s usually young people that spontaneously offer their seats to the old and invalid. Something must be going right.
Good on you for daring to speak up. Too few people do that.
Comment by Mark M | January 7, 2008 at 1:11 pmI remember an article in one of the NY newspapers a few years ago, when I lived there. They sent a gaggle of pregnant women onto the subway, and concluded that young Hispanic men and young women were the most likely to give up seats. Your forty-something men and women were the most likely to find their newspaper absolutely riveting.
Comment by jamesonandwater | January 7, 2008 at 2:29 pmI too am perplexed by the above’s most curious behaviour. I commend you sir for staying true to your principles so forthrightly. Commend you!
Comment by 73man | January 7, 2008 at 2:32 pmI was standing beside a very heavily pregnant woman on a Dundalk-line train just before Christmas. An angry young Eastern European man pointed to her and said very loudly to a guy in a seat - “WHY ARE YOU SITTING WHILE SHE IS STANDING?”. Cue an embarrassed-looking forty something scrambling to his feet muttering that he hadn’t seen her.
I felt like cheering!
Comment by Terry | January 7, 2008 at 3:06 pmPeople are disgraceful with regard to giving up seats. I remember (some 16 years ago) heavily pregnant and having to heave myself up to the top deck of a bus to get a seat.
You see it all the time on the bus when young and seemingly fit looking people sit in the seats reserved for elderly and disabled people. It actually makes my blood boil and I want to smack them around the head as I pass.
I think the worst thing I ever saw was a very large young fella sit on one of the reserved seats and look out the window as a woman with a babe in arms and a toddler lift her shopping on one bag at a time while trying to hold onto the babies.
I did go from the back of the bus to the front to help and I also gave the lazy inconsiderate young fella an earful. The worst thing is that it happened again when she got off, not one person helped (except me). I was throughly disgusted at everyone on that bus.
Comment by red mum | January 7, 2008 at 3:09 pmI was on the tube in London last March and a pregnant Muslim woman in hijab and niqab got on.
I gave her my seat, I was the only one that offered… then spent the rest of the journey panicking that the ‘baby’ might actually be a few kilos of strapped on explosives.
Am I a bad person?
Comment by dealga | January 7, 2008 at 3:28 pmI cant say I’m a frequent user of public transport - much prefer to walk - but one thing that absolutely drives me bananas, is holding the door open in shopping centre’s for amongst others pregnant women, or women with buggies.
You stand there, hold the door open and do not get a word of thanks back. Not even an acknowledgement!
I feel like getting the plate glass doors and pummeling it back off their heads! (Obviously I don’t actually carry through with this!)
IS IT THAT HARD TO SAY THANK YOU!!!?
I would just hope that in the instance of pregnant ladies on the train, that they would appreciate it and thank the fat young man who now has to stand with his breakfast roll dripping all over his shiny tracksuit!
Comment by Daddy Dec | January 7, 2008 at 3:41 pmWorse still Daddy Dec is driving skull who don’t even lift their hand off the wheel after you let them through a narrow stretch of road. I’ve got Twenty working on that one though.
Comment by 73man | January 7, 2008 at 4:31 pmI’m having torpedoes attached to my Honda 50 for cunts like that.
Comment by Twenty Major | January 7, 2008 at 5:37 pmAs far as I can see the only purpose of that triangular button on the dashboard is to thank people for letting you out!
But no, they cant even find that!?
Comment by Daddy Dec | January 7, 2008 at 5:49 pmTsk. Brush up on the rules of the road, DD.
The triangular button activates the cloaking device. This allows you to park wherever you like.
Comment by Nat King Coleslaw | January 7, 2008 at 8:40 pmI tend to sit upstairs on the bus but when I am downstairs I try to avoid sitting in the designated disabled/elderly seats at all… the reason being that theoretically they should be the last seats filled and people who don’t fit the bill should avoid sitting in them if they can (rather than just sitting in them until someone old etc. gets on and has to be reminded of how much of a heavy and frankly tedious burden they are to society by seeing someone reluctantly make way for their rattling and odorous frame).
The seats in question are specifically chosen for their relative ease of access more than anything and even if there are other seats available for old/disabled/pregnant people they’re that little bit more awkward to access than they really need to be.
Not like it’s an inconvenience to me either way (although the disabled seats do provide the best leg room downstairs, vital for anyone over 4′2″… that’s why I sit upstairs - you’ve got the two front-row seats and the one row behind the stairwell to choose from. Yes I think about bus seating too much, but you would too if the only other options were to be crammed into an odd angle on another seat, or to have your legs sticking out into the aisle thus becoming the bane of everyone else’s existence for the journey.)
Of course whatever seat I’m in I do pride myself in always giving up my spot if someone more deserving is stuck standing… that said I tend to be a wee bit paranoid about the exercise and always fear on a crowded bus that the briefly vacant seat might be filled by some toe-rag in the split second between me standing up from it and me bringing it to the attention of the person I’m leaving it for. That’s why I’m always in standby bollocking mode in such situations, so I can quickly turn around and verbally assault anyone who might be so inconsiderate as to commit such acts of ignorant seat-thievery.
Of course I would be remiss if I were to pretend that there aren’t moments of doubt on occasion… not me doubting the act in itself but its necessity in certain cases.
Usually it’s pretty cut-and-dry. Person gets on who is heavily pregnant, clearly disabled or unquestionably feeble… but when it’s not so clear you do tend to think to yourself; “is s/he old enough?”, “is she pregnant or just a bit fat?”, “is he disabled or did he just stub his toe on the bus’ step?”. The fact that I may one day get it wrong and deeply offend someone, or worse suffer a few slaps from a rightly aggrieved (and clearly haggard) middle-aged woman haunts me.
Now, as for holding the door open it’s something I’ll always do and would usually get some thanks for… but plenty of people who just don’t. I can’t say I’ve noticed it more from any particular gender, age range or ethnicity but it happens. On the occasion where I don’t get a not, smile or thanks I’m beginning to take a leaf out of my mother’s book by making a loud remark on the point for their benefit and mine. My mother usually says “You’re welcome” sarcastically, which tends to solicit odd looks from people as they try to figure out why this mad woman is talking to them. I’ve decided to take the basic idea and add some 21st century pizazz and style by loudly saying “Ignorant bastard” as I walk away.
Now what the hell am I doing writing extensive blog comments at 3 o’clock in the morning? Shouldn’t I be, I dunno, sleeping or something? Stupid addictive internet.
Comment by Adam | January 8, 2008 at 3:14 amThanks for that NKC…Must grab my car manual and have another look at that…Do they test for that at the NCT.
I hope Adam is still in bed at this moment…he had a late night last night!
Comment by Daddy Dec | January 8, 2008 at 9:29 amI’ve discovered I am turning into one of those people… when I get on the train I stick my head in a book and never look up. Once a young girl on the inside of me got up and gave her seat to a pregnant woman - I was mortified.
Any time there is a scarcity of resources (in this case seats) all civilized manners go out the window. I always compare it to a story my Da told me about two women fighting over the last loaf of bread in the blizzards of ‘82.
Comment by Steve K | January 8, 2008 at 9:45 amI am 7 months pregnant and get the commuter train every day. In the past 7 months only 1 lady has ever given me her seat. I dont expect to get a seat as I know sometimes it is difficult to judge whether someone is pregnant or not but at 7 months I think there can be no doubt. People dont even give up their seat for elderly people nowadays either - the days of being courteous are long gone which I think is a very sad thing
Comment by Lisa M | January 8, 2008 at 1:09 pmI too have taken a leaf out of my parents’ book by loudly declaring “You’re welcome” after I hold the door for someone and fail to receive even a nod of gratitude in return. In fact I’m generally coming round to my parents’ way of thinking on a lot of topics. It’s quite worrying really.
Comment by Neill | January 8, 2008 at 1:10 pmgiving up your seat is not as easy as it sounds. i always look up from my paper to see who the newest recruits are getting on the bus to see if they need a seat more than me. however occasionally a dilemma occurs; what happens if you’re not sure how old the person is? say a man aged 60+. if you offer him your seat he may be offended. this has happened to me several times. my girlfriend once offered her seat to a pregnant woman who reponded “im not pregnant”. oops!!
Comment by Johnny G | January 8, 2008 at 1:59 pmI too have taken a leaf out of my parents’ book by loudly declaring “You’re welcome” after I hold the door for someone and fail to receive even a nod of gratitude in return
I do that all the time. Then I follow them at a discreet distance down the street and trip them up as I casually walk past.
Comment by Twenty Major | January 8, 2008 at 8:35 pmJeeeeez Adam, whoeva you may be!
Comment by Maebh | January 9, 2008 at 7:02 amI have never been pregnant, but I once went to a gig dressed as a pregnant woman. Unfortunately my belly was really wonky by the time I got there but here’s what I noticed along the way:
On my bus trip from rural to urban Waterford several seats were offered but i suspect only to get a good look at my yella bella.
Waiting in the almost full bus station in Waterford the only person who offered me a seat was an elderly woman and a young Lithuanian man who I have fancied for some months now and who my chances are now ruined with.
On bus to Dublin it was all fine I made my belly visible so no one wanted to sit next to me.
On arrival in Dublin I got a bus to mates house and back to city centre, all the while with fake child. No-one offered me a seat, though someone offered me a bonbon.
On the way back in to town a 30 something man was sitting in disabled seat reading his irish times as i stood next to him, looking pretty bad and rubbing my belly…only when it got as pointed as possible did he cough and shift his weight to his other leg…no getting up though.
when i arrived at venue a friend grabbed my belly and pulled it to shreds…end of fun for me.
that is all.
maebh
When on the bus, I’m more than happy to give up my seat to a pregnant lady or an elderly man. But it drives me nuts when I have to do this while some person(usually a woman) has stuck their bag on the inside seat.
My other pet public transport peeve: People who complain about people who ’skip’ the queue at Dublin bus stops. There isn’t a queue! Sure, it might be a good idea if there was one, but that doesn’t change the fact that one doesn’t exist! I’m not willing to stand behind you when it means that 20 other people who arrived after me get on the bus before me. You may derive pleasure from the knowledge that you are morally superior to these 20 blaggards, but personally, I prefer to derive my pleasure from heat and dryness.
Comment by Niall | January 9, 2008 at 7:55 pm@Niall - People taking up a seat with their bag winds me up too - although if it’s the handiest seat left for me I’ll stand over it for a second and, assuming they don’t react, will start to move it for them. (I’ll admit that I sometimes put my bag beside me on the bus, but only when it’s nearly empty… once it starts to fill up I put it on my lap and do my best to make room should anyone want the seat).
I disagree about queues, though. There is a queue, it’s just that some people tend not to pay attention to it. It also doesn’t help when bus drivers stop the bus a few metres before or after the stop and force what is often an orderly queue to scatter in the rush.
The best tactic I find in the situation is to try and adhere to the queue… if it doesn’t work out as planned when the bus arrives don’t play the hero and stand back, get in there as it’s every person for him/herself. At the same time, you should try and let even some of the people who were trying to queue to get in too, while simultaneously trying to block the assholes who arrived 10 seconds ago and are pushing every granny in their way to get to the front.
Comment by Adam | January 10, 2008 at 1:57 am@niall it is not usually women who place bags on the inside seat, far from it. Men just don’t use handbags more laptop bags or whatever.
Comment by red mum | January 10, 2008 at 9:59 amThe other move people pull on buses that I hate is sitting on the outside seat leaving the inside one free. As the bus fills up, particularly on top decks, it can be hard to see there is actually an empty seat. It doesn’t stop me making them move over though.